Sunday, May 31, 2009

May 30th .... one of those days.

Have you ever had one of those days that was incredibly sad but at the same time truly wonderful? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was a year since Pa passed away. The reality of that hit me like a ton of bricks. ONE WHOLE YEAR. 12 months. 365 days. However many minutes they sing about in Rent. Lots and lots of time. So why does it seem like only yesterday? Mum's taxi was in full swing yesterday, with Tay's gymnastics class, and Kieran needing to be at Blacktown to march in the Festival parade, and both these events happening at the same time. So for the first half of the day, I didn't have time to think much about it. But after lunch, I sat down, and contemplated the past year. It's been full of good and bad. Lots of tears shed. Lots of breathless gasping nights where sleep only came through sheer exhaustion. But also, lots of moments of laughter through the tears.... moments where we reflected on a life well lived. Moments where we remembered joys shared over a bad joke, a silly trick, or a special hug. Lots of moments, good and bad.

What occured to me yesterday was that 12 months ago, I couldn't imagine ever smiling again. I couldn't imagine NOT thinking about how many pieces my heart was in. But there have been whole hours, sometimes even a full day, where I haven't thought about Pa. That just seems a bit wrong, doesn't it? People are supposed to say, at times like this, that "I've thought about you every day", "you are forever in my heart". I was feeling a bit guilty about that .... but I shouldn't, right? This is what is supposed to happen. You are supposed to feel better. It doesn't mean I miss him any less ... in fact, if it's possible, since Nan died I miss him more. So, I'm celebrating my dead people today, and am very grateful for their lasting impact on my life.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Some good news!!

I completely forgot to announce this, in my sorrow about another family funeral, leaving Therapy DT, and all the other not-so-exciting news going on! A few weeks ago Beth asked me if I'd like to be involved in a blog she is running, focused on journalling, which is really close oto my heart. Journal-It is not a typical challenge blog - it's not about winning prizes, it's more about inspiring you to create something with some meaningful journalling. This fortnight's prompt is about Your Favourite Phrase.
"Suck it up, princess!" has become a bit of a favourite around here - firstly to the girls, but it's also been adopted by my softball team when trying to get me to run an extra base ... sigh.
I went out to dinner last night at a tepanyaki bar with some friends for a hen's nihgt, and had such a great time!! Good food, good company, good coffee and drinks afterwards, and lots of laughs. Plus, I looked pretty hot, if I do say so myself - I got a new haircut yesterday, and I'm loving it sick! I didn't get a photo, though, so hopefully Gill has one that doesn't have me with food all over my face ... I was the only one in our group to drop the rice when it was thrown at me! lol
K, off to do some housework - nothing has been done around here for a while, because we've had heaps of sick people. Not me, touch wood, but I'm expecting it to hit me soon! Take care, and give the people you love a big hug!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Eggy tears.

How is it possible that something as simple as eggs and soldiers can bring you to tears? Well, this is a mighty powerful meal. Tonight, after a full-on day at work, physi for the girls this afternoon, and karate for Kels and I, I popped in to see my sis and her partner. Shelley's uncle died this morning. It's sad, but at the same time everyone is kind of at peace with it. He's had a rough struggle with health issues and dementia. We are all so sick of funerals though, and while we were talking, we counted up the amount of deaths that have affected our family or close friends in the past year. It's almost 12 months since Pa died, and there have been 7 more deaths since then. So, it was with that in mind that I came home. Got Kelsey some dinner. Carried poor little sick Tayla in to bed. Wandered aimlessly around the kitchen till I found something for dinner. Sat down to some boiled eggs and toast. And proceeded to bawl my eyes out.
Pa used to do this thing ... every time I had boiled eggs, he'd sit there, very patiently waiting until I finished. Then, he'd distract me. "Look, what's that?" Very subtle, he was. I'd turn around, knowing exactly what he was doing, but secretly delighted all the same. He'd turn the empty egg-shell over, and then when I turned back round, tell me to finish my breakfast. He'd sit there trying to contain the big goofy grin on his face, while I broke the empty eggshell. Then he'd laugh and laugh, and brag that he got me again. And I'd laugh too, partly because I wanted to humour him, but partly because I just loved this. I loved his reliability. I loved that he would continue to do something over and over again if he thought it would bring a smile to my face.

Love you Pa. Miss you every day.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Scrappy news ... happy and sad.

Hi all! Especially Mandy, who has been pestering me to update ... are you happy hon? lol
So, what have I been up to? LOTS!! School holidays ended with a totally full-on, but totally awesome, weekend. Saturday, Anzac day, saw us in the city. We went Jet Boating on the harbour - very fast, very sharp sudden stops, very VERY wet, and most of all, lots of fun! Kelsey almost cut off the circulation in my hand, and went VERY white, but she couldn't stop talking about it when we got off - total thrill seeker, that girl. Of course, well prepared mother that I am, had dry clothes for the kids, but for me? Nada. Thank goodness for the modicum of protection provided by the purple monk robes we wore, otherwise I may have been even more drenched than I was! We went in and back from the city on the Rivercat, which is well worth the trip, let me tell you! Lovely views, unhurried pace, a nice and relaxing way to get to Circular Quay. I'm going that way more often!
Sunday meant it was time for our house to be taken over by 9year old girls. Kelsey wanted a scrapping birthday party, and it was 4 hours of girly mayhem. Lots of fun though, both for the girls and for me. The made a wonderful little mini album each, painted a gift bag, played a few games, and made mini-pizzas for lunch. Kelsey has such lovely friends!!

After a very busy week back at work, during which I was acting head teacher (sheesh - full on!!!) I got to friday again. I had a yr12 excursion planned, to take my class to see a performance of Richard III by the Siren Theatre Company. OMG. I've never been so on the edge of my seat, holding my breath captivated by a performance of a Shakespeare play. Totally wonderful!! The only downside was that I had to lug my slightly under 23kilo suitcase there. The upside to that was, I WAS ON MY WAY TO CAIRNS!! ScrapTherapy retreat. Holiday Inn, overlooking the Esplanade. Water views from our room. The bestest room buddy a girl could ask for. Adjoining room with 2 wonderful chicks I hadn't met in real life before, but who felt like long lost friends. Three days of scrapping. More wonderful friends - some I've known for years in real life, some I was meeting for the first time, but all of whom are just wonderful beautiful ladies!! Lots of laughter. Lots of scrapping. Lots of shopping, eating wonderful food, and just enjoying some me-time. I was in heaven ... especially when I got to go and take some pics of the cute jellybean guys holding their privates!! lol

So, because Mandy told me to ... here are some pics of the weekend, both people and scrapping.

Nat and I with the little perverted jelly-bean men ... LOL
This layout has a story behind it - when I opened my suitcase at the hotel, I discovered my brads and buttons all through my clothes. It took me about 40 minutes to completely pick them out, and I was VERY careful putting my undies on for the rest of the weekend! The next morning, I got downstairs to the scrapping room to discover someone (cough*RACHAEL*cough) had spilt buttons all over the layout I was working on. They weren't the right colour, but it inspired me, and two hours later this layout was finished - man, it took a long time to do all these buttons and brads! Yes, I know there is purple ink on the photo - I need to reprint it. That's what happens when you try to recolour foam alphas ... tip of the day, just use sharpies!!

How cool are these light-up skipping ropes? I've had this BG paper to use for ages, but it just didn't do it for me, so I was soooo going to use it before I came home!!

Room mates - Lisa, Natalie, Me and Rachael. What a top group of girls!!

And finally, the DT group, minus Julie who couldn't join us. Mandy, who is just too sweet for words (even when she IS harrassing me to blog!!), me, Narelle, and Leeanne, our Therapy mum.

Ok ... The sad news. (Hidden at the bottom of a post about things that made me happy for very good reason!! Lol) I have made the decision to step down from the Scrap Therapy Design Team, as have the other girls. It's been a wonderful experience, and I really thank Natalie and Leeanne for the opportunity. It's been wonderful working with such a wonderful group of girls, and this is not a decision I took lightly. It was announced on the forums this morning, and I thought I'd be ok with that ... I've been at peace with the decision for a while now. But to see it in print, and to make it public ... well, it just seems so real, and I've spent a few moments today in tears. I'm really looking forward to being able to scrap with the girls more, and to scrap without commitments to anyone else but me, and that's a really liberating feeling. I had wanted to be on a DT for a while before this opportunity came up, and I'm so thankful that this came along when it did - I can't imagine a better place to be a Design Team Member for, and a more wonderful group of women, both DT and forum members, to have shared this experience with. I know that after the end of this month, when my status officially changes, and I'm no longer able to do all that extra stuff that I do as an administrator, I'll probably have a few more tears, but mostly I'm very excited about seeing who the next lot of inspiring Design Therapists will be, and enjoying my role as Therapy Locum.
Leeanne has chosen a Guest DT for June, from some wonderful girls who were at the retreat, and will be looking for another group for July, before the new DT takes over. I can't wait to see what everyone does, it's going to be great!

So, off for some icecream, and some celebratory scrapping. I'll share some more layouts from the retreat soon - there are heaps!!